Rocky Horror Virgins -- the biggest group I've ever seen

Last night the lovely, brilliant, and all-around awesome FaerieJ treated me to my first Rocky Horror Picture Show since 1988.  It was the first time I’ve seen it performed with a full cast and it was a grand experience.  The cast was fun and the crowd was a howl.  It was also my first time at the Crossroads Screenland Theater in Kansas City, which is a great venue.  Every theater should have a bar in the lobby.

There were a surprising number of Virgins last night — almost half the audience.  I narrowly avoided The Mark.  Before the show the castmember playing Riff Raff was distributing complimentary candy and condoms on a silver salver, a tube of red lipstick semi-concealed in his other hand.  His timing was a little suspicious, since Faerie’s group was debating whether two decades without seeing the film qualified one as a born-again Virgin, and I had had the longest hiatus of anyone present at twenty-two years.  If she hadn’t leaped to my defense I would have had a big, red lipsticked “V” on my forehead.

The Virgins were called to the stage just before the movie started.  The under-18’s were dismissed, while the rest were forced to feign orgasms.  The castmembers selected their favorite eight, which then competed by fellating suckers.  Four finalists were selected by the audience to compete in the final event, simulating their favorite sexual position.  The winners, “Sloppy-Cock” and “Double-Fist” (nicknamed by the MC and castemember playing Brad, the latter for simultaneously deepthroating the sucker and a beer bottle) won the opportunity to play the newly-married couple after “Double-Fist” (female) pseudo-pegged “Sloppy-Cock” (male) over a conference table.

Had FaerieJ not rescued me earlier, I could easily have been on the receiving end of Double-Fist’s enthusiastic faux-assault.  Like I said, Faerie’s awesome.

The only hinky part of the evening was Duster-Boy, some frat-rat cosplay maybe-rapist in a black duster with white contact lenses.  He methodically stalked every female present, Faerie included, with comments like “You’re spunky.  I’d like to throw you in my trunk and take you home.”  Little did he know Faerie’d snap his spine like a highway flare, toss him over her shoulder, then walk away whistling.

Geek luv. Don't hate.