Posts Tagged ‘Apple’

Webcomic Wednesday

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

As always, click on the images for the glorious, full-sized versions.

First, a couple of Mr. Weiner’s Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comics:

Next, a Shoebox blog cartoon that reminds me of elements of Dan Piraro’s stuff:

And finally, a couple from Mr. Piraro, himself:

I really want to make a comparison along the lines of “Judd Apatow is to comedy what Michael Bay is to stupid explody-shit”, but it’s a cheap shot and not entirely accurate — Apatow’s movies contain some actual jokes, while Bay’s movies just suck.  Also, given the fact that every movie and TV show ever created is being pointlessly remade or sequalized,  this comic is less of a joke than it is a statistical likelihood.

I included this one because it has confusing subtexts.  First, the snake clearly represents Satan, who’s tempting Adam with Mac OS.  Anti-Apple, right?  But Adam’s really kind of a guileless idiot, so he’s instinctively going for Windows.  Anti-Microsoft, right?  Reading Dan’s explanation, he seems to be an Apple guy, implying that Windows is an inferior product by (implicitly) comparing his own work to Garfield.  I certainly have no argument about Garfield being an inferior comic, but a more apt comparison would be between Ziggy and Garfield.  They both suck while pretending not to.  This also seems to be an example of someone identifying with Apple and its products in a way which continues to disturb me.  Steve Jobs isn’t your buddy — he’s laughing all the way to the (organ) bank.

Dan’s post also linked to this image.  I immediately thought of two three captions (dunno why I forgot to include the second one):

  • Apple Fanboy Caption: God reaches out to his uppity, ungrateful creation.
  • Star Wars Fanboy Caption: Jobs attempts a Force Choke, but merely achieves a Force Cringe.
  • My Caption: Two billionaire rip-off artists pretend to give a shit about something besides money.
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An actual killer app for the iPhone

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

This is a wonderful thing, but for a product I don’t want to ever own.  Square, Inc. has developed a credit card reader that plugs into an iPhone’s audio jack, as well as the back-end service necessary to process credit card transactions.  Swipe the card, get a virtual signature, and send a receipt to the buyer’s email.  Now potentially anyone (who can stomach the iPhone) can process credit card transactions.

And it’s for the iPhone, dammit.  Hopefully this will be ported to Android devices sooner than later.  I also hope it’s as secure as it purports to be.  I found this story  on Core 77 and they mistakenly said that it didn’t bother with receipts, but the Square video demonstrates otherwise.

Also, please note that the beardy guy is Adam Lisagore from my favorite podcast, You Look Nice Today.  I can’t tell if he’s working for Square or if he’s just their spokesgeek.

Here’s Adam demonstrating the YLNT dance, the Fishstick.  The Fishstick is a dance performed almost entirely in one’s head to “Tighten Up” by Archie Bell and the Drells.  The origin of the Fishstick is explained in the YLNT episode “Sacks-Minnelli Disease“.

How and where not to do The Fishstick from lonelysandwich on Vimeo.

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Disruptive technologies and emerging markets

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Core 77 has a interesting piece about the consumer trend toward cheaper versions of existing products (primarily electronics) with reduced feature-sets and how they impact design and innovation.  The article covers netbooks and cell phones, of course, but also looks at less-sexy technologies such as water filtration, power generation, and household appliances.  These are considered “disruptive technologies” because they undermine the status quo — as long as the status quo is defined as ‘maximum functionality at premium prices’.

As Christensen pointed out again and again, “disruptive technologies were exactly those that did not appeal to entrenched market leaders because they tended to under-perform existing technologies and served a less-profitable consumer demographic.”

I just searched the entire page for the term “iPad” and discovered it’s not there.  I’d swear I had seen it mentioned, but it turns out to only have been strongly implied.  The contrast between the article’s subject and the iPad is impossible to miss, especially if you realize that the iPad is not a disruptive technology — while technically underperforming, it fails one of the core criteria necessary to qualify as a “disruptive technology” — its ridiculously inflated price.

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Apple vs. Microsoft, duelling 1988 promo videos

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

The first video is typical 1980’s-era futurism from Apple, featuring commentary from Steve Wozniak, Alvin Toffler, Ray Bradbury, etc.  The focus is on educational applications, voice-activated interfaces, adult literacy, and a ginormous green pointing device.  Oh yeah, don’t forget this was the product of the non-Steve Jobs era, so the fictional devices’ form factors trend towards taupe plastic cases with BIGASS hinges.  The incidental music is the most annoying part — it has a smug, cloying quality reminiscent of Doogie Howser, MD.

The best part is when the fifth-grader gives his class a presentation on volcanoes utilizing a blackboard-sized HD-quality display.  When he launches the eruption footage the class goes totally apeshit.  This is the most predictive moment in the film — Michael Bay’s core audience really was in grade school in 1988.  Discovered via Paleofuture:

The whole thing reminds me of an ancient bunch of nerd jokes about comparing different operating systems with a trip to the store.  Apple began developing the Taligent OS in 1988, which was later abandoned.  The joke, which pretty much sums up the video:

TALIGENT/PINK: You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

Next is a promotional video for Microsoft’s Windows 386, designed to market the product to software sellers, not prospective customers.  This point is critical, so keep it in mind as you watch.  Microsoft is well-known for advertising that’s so bad it’s uncomfortable to watch and this might be the worst thing they ever attempted.  Here are some of the highlights:

  • It opens with a Mission Impossible-styled premise.  The boss’s tape recording greets the hero, a blonde female executive with the requisite shoulder pads and giant glasses with the following statement: “I hope you came in at a reasonable hour and brought your brain cells with you.”
  • Look for the inexplicable 1950’s-style gas station pinup calendar, featuring what appears to be artwork by R. Crumb.
  • The IT guy who sees the hero’s amazing new operating system in action and says “Is that OS2?  You’re not supposed to be running OS2.”  And, later, “What else does it do besides look like OS2?”
  • At about the seven-minute mark the hero begins rapping about Windows 386.  Then begins undressing.  Then is transformed into a . . . horrible, horrible thing.  She’s wearing wrap-around shades, dressed like Debbie Gibson, and has a pink streak in her hair, while rapping about Windows and attempting to seduce an accountant.  It’s enough to cause a spit-take.  Or the 1988 version of a spit-take, which I imagine would be bloody snot and cocaine shooting out of your nostrils.
  • Finally, after winning over her boss with her amazing presentation document, she’s off on a hot date — with her Microsoft Windows 386 salesman.

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Steve Wozniak diagnoses Toyota acceleration issue

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Via Jalopnik, Steve Wozniak has diagnosed acceleration issues with his Prius’ (he has several, of course) cruise control as a software issue.  He’s been complaining to Toyota and the NHTSA about this and was getting nowhere, but now the tech press has picked up on it and the issue seems to be getting some attention.

I sincerely hope he comes up with a homebrew solution that looks exactly like an Apple-1 prototype — a wire-wrapped board nailed to a piece of plywood.

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Even more iPad commentary: “The Sunset of Tinkering”

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

This is mainly a geeks-only post by Mark Pilgrim, a Google employee, lamenting the culture of “tinkering” that closed devices like the iPad discourage.  Seriously, if you’re not interested in what a long-time Apple hacker thinks about the iPad, skip it.  Otherwise, it’s a great read.  For example, comparing likely iPad development to current iPhone development:

Now, I am aware that you will be able to develop your own programs for the iPad, the same way you can develop for the iPhone today. Anyone can develop! All you need is a Mac, XCode, an iPhone “simulator,” and $99 for an auto-expiring developer certificate. The “developer certificate” is really a cryptographic key that (temporarily) allows you (slightly) elevated access to… your own computer. And that’s fine — or at least workable — for the developers of today, because they already know that they’re developers. But the developers of tomorrow don’t know it yet. And without the freedom to tinker, some of them never will.

How geeky is this guy?  Like I said, he works for Google.  And the only graphic on the page is a view of the Mandlebrot set.

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More iPad ruminations: “Crap Futurism”

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

I have an enormous nerd-crush on this woman.

Here’s a thoughtful piece on what the iPad represents by Annalee Newitz of i09, entitled “Why the iPad is Crap Futurism“.  She makes a number of extremely valid points about what the iPad’s built-in limitations say about the direction Apple wants to take computing in.

Annalee thinks the iPad really might represent the future of mid-range media devices, but not necessarily mid-range computing.  There is a significant part of the consumer population which really only cares about media.

Annalee also thinks the iPad might be the first version of the “mythical convergence device”, but neglects to point out the fact that it’s conspicuously missing a camera and actual phone guts.  I suspect the latter is mainly to keep the iPad from cutting directly into the iPhone’s marketshare, but I’m betting it’s temporary.  Apple is all about form factor and interface, so if they can get people used to carrying a giant iPhone, the iPad will eventually borg the iPhone’s least remarkable feature — the ability to make phone calls.

The iPad is largely about reinventing television, she says, since it’s a closed, non-reconfigurable system which gets its content from the App Store, which Apple has total control over.  In other words, the App Store is essentially the Apple Channel and you watch what its masters deem appropriate for you and your hardware.  To quote:

The iPad has all of the problems of television with none of the benefits of computers.

I wholeheartedly agree with Annalee when she points out that the iPad’s business model is deeply unattractive for the technologically savvy and points out that “…the iPad isn’t so much new technology as it is a shiny, pretty doorway to a mall where you can buy everything from books to movies.”

And finally:

I know a lot of otherwise-savvy consumers and hackers who are already drooling over the iPad and putting in their orders. They hate the idea of a restricted device, but they love the shiny-shiny. I’m not saying that they should deprive themselves of this pretty new toy. What I am saying is that this toy represents a crappy, pathetic future. It is no more revolutionary than those expensive, hot boots I bought at Fluevog, and only slightly more useful.

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Thoughts on the iPad

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Or, rather, thought: Meh.

A couple of people asked me if I was going to post anything about this, but it really speaks for itself.  For a more eloquent and detailed elaboration on “meh” cruise on over to Adam Frucci’s piece at Gizmodo.

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Genius Bar war stories

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Newsflash: Apple has jerky customers (via Gizmodo).

You know, tech support has changed a lot since I was installing modems in 386’s and configuring Windows 3.x to talk to the interwebs.  I’ve cleaned a lot of shit out of sloppy users’ machines and I’ve signed the death certificates of more than my share of boxen (Packard Bell, anyone?), but I can’t imagine having a freakout over cat hair:

I open up the computer and immediately see the entire inside of the computer filled with orange hairballs the size of my fist. Upon seeing this the customer exclaims loudly and happily, “Oh Tiger, you left parts of yourself in there before you died!” I immediately say, “Excuse me,” and run to the back of house and sit stunned in the AppleCare room, begging someone else to take over the case for me.

Huh?  What?

Nor can I imagine a customer bringing in a laptop full of dog pee.  Or being called a fag, then punched by a customer.  But then again, I’ve never worked for Apple or really had to deal with their customers and products.

My only experience with Apple stuff that even comes close was trying to get a woman’s Windows 95 box to connect to the internet.  After almost two hours of troubleshooting everything imaginable she revealed that it was, in fact, a Mac with PC emulator card.  Why, I asked, would she ever commit such a technical atrocity?  Because her favorite bridge (as in playing cards, not routers) program was PC-only, but PC’s were crap, so she needed to run Windows on a Mac.  She never booted MacOS, though — she only ran Windows.

See also:

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Pissy iPhone users plan distributed denial of service attack against AT&T

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
This particular iPhone is unkillable

This particular iPhone is unkillable

Okay, I just totally surprised myself.  The Consumerist mentioned that a protest of sorts is being organized through Fake Steve Jobs and FaceBook called “Operation Chokehold”.  Friday at three o’clock EST an unknown number of iPhone users are going to run data apps for an hour to register their collective complaints about iPhone reliability.  What surprised me was that after I thought about this for a few seconds I found myself apparently siding with AT&T.

I am all about sticking it to a phone company (Did I mention that Sprint laid me off in 2003?), but this is really fucking stupid about six different ways.  Here are the first three that leap to mind:

  1. The methodology is deeply flawed.  How does degrading network performance address the issue of dropped calls?
  2. As AT&T points out, emergency services could be affected.
  3. How is this not a denial of service attack?  When DoS attack perpetrators get caught, they go to prison.  How do these people think they’re going to avoid detection when all the law has to do is draw a line between a bunch of FaceBook users and their own phone numbers?  What, does the iPhone have an anonymous mode that prevents their carrier from logging activity?  If so, I might have to get one.

AT&T doesn’t seem to be taking this seriously enough, though.  Apple fetishists are a very motivated bunch of people who frequently exhibit a howling sense of entitlement when it comes to access to Apple products.  There might just be enough of them to impact network performance.

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